I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
