i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
