got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
