I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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