I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Couch. On fire.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
