i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
