i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
