i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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