Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
