I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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