you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
