You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
