Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
