I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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