Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
