Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
