i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
