What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
