Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
