I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize