why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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