I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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