Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
