I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
