i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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