I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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