so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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