Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
