HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
