She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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