My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I supernannyed him into submission
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
