While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
