You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the liver wants what the liver wants
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think people are normalizing furries
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
