I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
