Yo dont text me then not text me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
