I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
