we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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