Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
