I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
