Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
