The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
