so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
