I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
