If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize