i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
