Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
