I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
