Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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