why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
