Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
birth control should be required to get into college
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
