Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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