Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize