hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
