Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
