I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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