And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
