My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
