i barfeds in our rink
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
