my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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