Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
