I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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