My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
