You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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