You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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