Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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