I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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