its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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