She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
