How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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