Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Too much gin, very little bucket
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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