at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
