it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
