I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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