I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
